Why Anger Can Be Healing

We often treat anger as something dangerous. It gets labeled as “bad,” “destructive,” or “out of control.” But anger, like all emotions, has a purpose. When we push it down, deny it, or shame ourselves for feeling it, we miss the chance to understand what it’s trying to tell us.

Anger is healing because it points us toward something that matters.

Think about it—anger usually shows up when a boundary has been crossed, when something feels unfair, or when a deep part of us knows we deserve better. Instead of seeing it as an enemy, we can see it as a messenger. It’s a signal: Pay attention. Something needs care here.

Reflective Questions

• What is the story you’ve told yourself about feeling angry?

• Do you avoid anger?

• Have you believed it’s an “ugly” emotion?

• How did your family deal with anger or those who were angry?

• Did you ever hear messages like, “Don’t do ___, it will make ___ angry”?

These questions help us uncover the beliefs we carry about anger and whether we’ve been taught to fear it, suppress it, or misunderstand it.

The Deeper Layers of Anger

Sometimes, we get angry when we are hurt. And hurt needs time to heal. Healing isn’t pretty. It’s messy and quiet and can feel lonely. You may not even be able to explain why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling—or why you’re crying. Sometimes healing looks like emotional numbness, confusion, or exhaustion.

People often think healing means smiling, being positive, or “getting back to who you were.” But you don’t go back. You become someone new.

Healing isn’t about feeling good while you’re healing. It’s about feeling everything. And that includes anger.

Anger isn’t bad. It’s a part of the process.

The Gift of Anger

When we allow ourselves to feel anger, sit with it, and explore where it comes from, we often discover:

• What we value. Anger highlights our core needs—respect, safety, love, dignity.

• Where we’ve been hurt. It shines a light on old wounds that may still need tending.

• How to protect ourselves. It empowers us to set boundaries, to say “no,” or to walk away.

There’s a release in letting anger be felt. When we bury it, it turns inward—often into shame, resentment, or even depression. When we let it surface and process it with intention, it can clear space for grief, clarity, and even peace.

A Reminder

As I often remind myself: You’re expecting you from people—and they don’t have your heart. They don’t have your soul.

This is where anger often rises: when we expect others to meet us with the same heart we would bring to them, and they don’t. They can’t—and that can be hard to remember in the moment. That pain deserves to be acknowledged, not silenced.

Moving Forward

Healing with anger doesn’t mean lashing out. It means finding safe ways to express it—journaling, movement, conversations with trusted people, therapy, or creative expression. It means acknowledging: I am angry because I matter. My experiences matter. My voice matters.

When we give ourselves permission to feel anger, we also give ourselves permission to heal.

Resources to Explor:

Martin, Ryan. (2024 April 14). How to be angry. https://psyche.co/guides/anger-is-a-potent-beneficial-force-if-used-in-the-right-way

(2011 October 1). Strategies for controlling your anger: Keeping anger in check. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/strategies-controlling