When Boundaries Mean Letting Go

Stephanie Mendez

30 Sep 2025 — 2 min read

Some boundaries build bridges, others close doors—both are acts of love for the self.

We should normalize saying, “It looks like you can’t love me in the way I need, so let’s just stop this here,” and letting that be enough.

For many of us—especially women—that kind of clarity feels almost impossible. We aren’t conditioned to draw a line and walk away. Instead, we’re taught to accept what’s offered, to be pleasing, to keep the peace, and to minimize our needs so we don’t make a fuss.

But boundaries aren’t just about saving a relationship. They’re also about saving ourselves.

Boundaries That Maintain Connection

In most relationships, we use boundaries as a bridge. We say:

• Here’s my line, because I want us to be good.

• I’m asking for this, because I value our connection.

These are healthy and necessary. They give us room to stay close without losing ourselves.

Boundaries That Honor Self-Worth

Then there are the harder boundaries. The ones that don’t aim to repair, but to release.

• If you can’t meet me where I am, I won’t keep shrinking.

• If my needs are too much for you, I won’t keep lowering them.

These are the boundaries that feel radical—because they stop the endless negotiation. They say: My self-worth matters more than keeping this tie alive.

Why This Feels So Hard

Walking away can feel unnatural when we’ve been taught that love is earned through sacrifice. That we should take what we’re given with gratitude. That we’re selfish to want more.

But the truth is: wanting to be loved well isn’t selfish. It’s human. And giving yourself permission to stop accepting less is one of the deepest forms of self-respect.

A Gentle Invitation

The next time you feel yourself bargaining with your own worth, pause and ask:

• What do I actually need to feel loved and safe?

• Am I shrinking myself to hold onto this connection?

• What would it look like to choose me, even if it means losing them?

Boundaries can be bridges, and sometimes they are doorways out. Both are valid. Both are necessary. Both are love—especially the kind you give yourself.

Resources to Explore:

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff. Boundaries.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/boundaries/amp

Nash ph. D. , Jo. (2018, January 5). How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships. https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

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